convinced that I am, but I am not convinced of what I am...

CONVERSATIONS WITH ANNAMALAI SWAMI

Q: I am convinced that I am, but I am not convinced of what I am. Intellectually I know that I am the Self but I don't experience this. I have to make a lot of effort.

Annamalai Swami: To experience the Self you have to dive deep into the consciousness 'I am.’

Q: You mean I should keep the mind there?
AS: Yes. When you see the rope as a rope there is no snake. You also know that there never was a snake.

When you cease to imagine that you are a body and a mind, reality shines of its own accord. If you stabilize in this state you can see that the mind didn't go anywhere; you will gain the direct insight that it never really existed. 'Keeping the mind in its source' is just another of saying 'direct realization that it never existed'.

Q: But how is one to awaken from perpetual body-consciousness? For consciousness to manifest one must have a body.

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AS: If there is the constant meditation that consciousness is your own reality in which all phenomena are appearing and disappearing, that meditation is the activity of the sattvic mind. It is this activity which erases and dissolves the tamas and rajas which cover the reality.

The human body is the only vehicle in which it is very convenient to realize the unmanifest Self. With the body and the mind we can investigate and discover the Reality, which remains unaffected by the body and the mind. With a good car we can travel fast and reach our destination. We know that the car is not the person; the person is in the car. We should regard the body in the same way that we regard a car. We should not think 'I am the body'. We should think 'This body is a useful vehicle. If I maintain it and give it proper fuel, I can use it to take me to my destination.'

who or what is the wheel of life for?

ANNAMALAI SWAMI - FINAL TALKS

sit. be still, and know. I AM is prior to thought.

"Question: The wheel of life - manifestation, samsara - seems to continue whether one is established in that peace or not. Is there nothing in this manifestation that provides a key to peace?
 
Annamalai Swami: If you understand the true nature of this wheel of life, this wheel that is giving everyone so much alternating happiness and misery, this understanding will lead you to where there is no wheel, no change, no movement. This wheel is spinning in the substratum of the changeless Self. If you take your position in the still, peaceful centre of the Self you will know, simultaneously, that the Self is motionless peace, and the spinning wheel is also the Self.
 
Q: Why is there a need to have this spinning wheel in the Self? Why a need for manifestation at all?
 
Annamalai Swami: This question is only happening in your mind. If you remain in the Self, the question will not arise. Whether you move your hand or keep it still, it is still a hand. Its nature is not changed in either case.Maya is the Self. All is the Self. If you give up all distinctions, you will know this for yourself. That's all you need to do."

Sarah: We've been duped - by the collective consciousness prior to any manifestation. Sometimes I experience this realization as humorous, and sometimes I feel rage, and sometimes I feel absolutely nothing. Humor definitely feels better than rage, in my experience. And nothing just feels like nothing. I am nothing. I AM is everything. Word of caution - I AM doesn't pay the bills. There's that.

Posted by Sarah Nolt, maker of handmade zafu meditation cushions...available at zafuChi on etsy